« Warbreaker », Revisions done in Version 4.0   

Revisions done in Version 4.0

            This draft was still largely working on medium-level and large-level problems.  Because of this, I haven’t yet ‘spot fixed’ chapters.  Larger changes for this version include:

            A rewrite of the character Peprin, who’s name has been changed to Parlin.  The old name fit the old character; the new character was different enough that I wanted a new feel for his name.  Peprin wasn’t working, in my opinion, as he was too over-the-top.  He was a little TOO dense, and we already had plenty of humor in the Vivenna sections--humor done much better and more intelligently by Denth and Tonks.  I felt that Peprin’s goofiness was detracting from the story and wasn’t gaining anything, so I backed off and made the character far less ‘present’ in the narrative.  In doing so, I hope to actually make him more sympathetic.  This may take another draft to get right.

            Vivenna is now more aware of why her father sent Siri instead of her.  Readers were feeling that Vivenna was too dense in these early chapters.  It was obvious to them why the king would make the change; it should have been obvious to Vivenna.  I agreed as I re-read the narrative, and did a reworking here.  This effected her motivations for going to T’Telir in the first place, and I think strengthens her as a character.

            My agent wanted more of a sense of danger in the early chapters--a better understanding of the oncoming war, the inevitability, and the threat it posed.  I worked on this noticeably at the beginning in an attempt to establish better ‘rooting interest’ for Idris.  This also played in with Vivenna’s reworked motivations at the beginning. 

            I split the “Vivenna living on the streets” chapter in two and added a little bit more material there to draw out her time.  I felt that having her get tossed onto the streets in one chapter, then get captured again in the very next seriously weakened this phase of the book.  The reader and she both needed more time to suffer.  It’s still not terribly long, but I think that the slight fiddling with pacing here will have a large impact on the tempo of the story here. 

            Slightly better transition of Vivenna being scared of Vasher and agreeing to help him.

            A lot of people were having trouble understanding 1) Why Susebron could awaken objects at the end without dying and 2) Why the statues could be Awakened in the first place.  I decided that for the first, I would simply be more explicit in my explanations.  For the second, I decided that I needed to revise the narrative to fix a plot hole.  Hence the change to give the statues human bones, which I had considered in the first draft and discarded.  I think it works better here.  Both of these things are going to require a little more polishing in draft #5, but I think the climax finally has all of the explanations it needs. 

            I filled out what the different Heightenings are and explained them in more detail, including an Ars Arcanum. 

            I made a bunch of smaller changes on the paragraph or scene level to smooth the story.  I probably also introduced a lot of typos in doing so.  ;)